Crash into you, revisited
She had tangerine lips; her laughter was periwinkle
dust on midnight lashes.Then the train pulled out. She was melon sunshine blur. I felt her dust on my cheeks. I hummed my boy's dream.
linked w/trifextra #78: color.
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*cartoon illustration- Corrine Bailey Rae via Google.
** title/italics- Dave Matthew's, "Crash into me."
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I love this! Love me some Dave Matthew's too. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteLove it...everything from image to words!
ReplyDeleteTurned on music for inspiration and this is what I came up with. Glad it works. Thanks.
DeleteLove your colorful descriptions here :)
ReplyDeleteNice short form...I like it!
ReplyDeleteHum, form. Yes, that is a combination of the limits of the prompts. Love prose poetry and the other had a 33 word count limit. Glad to hear you like it. Thank you.
DeleteYou make me smile.
ReplyDeletelovely melon sunshine blur!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Love that line break between periwinkle and dust.
ReplyDeletenice use of color...periwinkle laughter...nice synesthesia (sp?)...then the melon...ha...cool...dont know that song...even tried to google it...dust on the cheeks is a cool touch as well
ReplyDeleteadded it for you, Brian. See above.
Deleteoh i know that song...i was looking for my boys dream as a song title...ha...
Deletelike me some dave matthews band...
great images here and use of enjambment in periwinkle
ReplyDeletedust
The colours link to the emotional content of this poem.
ReplyDeleteI love it; great imagery and rhyme. my favourite bit is the "periwinkle dust"
ReplyDeleteSuch a cool description.
ReplyDeleteI was trying to go through the entries in an orderly fashion, but I just couldn't wait any more. I had to read yours! And, as always, you leave me smiling with pleasure at the sensory magic you unleash when you string words together. "She was melon sunshine blur"--!!!! Oh, yes.
ReplyDeleteFeeling is mutual, K. I was anxiously waiting for you to post. Thank you.
DeleteColor me in love with this poem ..........
ReplyDeleteThank you, Helen. Made me smile broadly.
Delete'periwinkle/dust on midnight lashes...' I really like that, and all the deft use of color in this very short burst of mood and sensation. Dave Mathews is such a ubiquitous guy--so talented, especially as a songwriter, yet also one of those who is so under the hood of fame.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Hedge. And take credit. What you weave has inspired me.
DeleteI never thought of laughter as any color, but periwinkle dust seems to fit it perfectly. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you for linking up! Please remember to return for the voting!
Thank you. Definitely will be by for voting. I admit, I'm hooked.
DeleteLove the lush colors & imagery - tangerine, periwinkle, melon sunshine ~
ReplyDeleteHappy weekend ~
Just absolutely wonderful! Period. End of Story.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully done LaTonya! Love your colour choices, love the whole feel of this piece.
ReplyDeleteA cornucopia of color. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful word usage...I can visualize the scene!
ReplyDeleteAfter a seven hour car ride to get to the beach, I couldn't wait to look at the ocean, and then check in with my writing friends. I read this, and along with being near water for a couple days at least, I'm totally rejuvenated. This was lush and gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteWater is good. Enjoy your time, friend. Thank you.
DeleteA veritable feast of colors. It fits the song beautifully, too!
ReplyDeleteThe use of color was so vivid and just so right!
ReplyDeleteOh, this is so lovely!! 'Periwinkle's dust on the cheeks' is amazing and truly original...:)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully done - so few words, but each one a pearl.
ReplyDeleteLove this line: Periwinkle dust on midnight lashes.... The whole thing is breathtaking.
ReplyDeleteWow, simply dripping with vivid color. Gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteFriends, thank you so much. I had fun writing this.
DeleteDaaammmnnn!!! this reminds me of one of those perfect weekends where I did everything I could imagine and some that I couldn't and she left me wanting eternity and nothing else...great work, that one was short and full...no doubt. Love it.
ReplyDeleteOh, my. Really appreciate the high praise. Thank you.
DeleteI love the luscious colours you have used and how you have used them!
ReplyDeletehow lovely - so few words, such beautiful coloring... and a story that feels complete. well done!
ReplyDeleteAn inspiration from a musical interlude! That's amazing! It brings the flow into play. Great write La Tonya!
ReplyDeleteHank
So beautiful.
ReplyDeleteK
beautiful colour imaginary ...love the colour of laughter.
ReplyDeleteWow. This was written and flowed like a perfect song lyric that gets stuck in one's mind. I like the dust on midnight lashes and periwinkle laugh. Amazing!!
ReplyDeleteLaTonya this is so vivid and so beautiful wonderful =)
ReplyDeleteGorgeous and romantic. Love this!
ReplyDeleteOh what a feeling! The periwinkle laugh...the midnight lashes... The whole thing also sounds like it could be the start of something bigger.
ReplyDeleteGlad to know so many like it. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteFifty-three comments?! Good grief. A question rather than a comment, as I am genuinely curious [yes, I do still want to know how and why everything works]: why the line breaks where you have them? I know trifecta is prose pieces, although short poem pieces work as do prose poems.
ReplyDeleteHi Margo, the high volume is largely a combination of my responses and this was shared with two audiences.
DeleteMy intent was prose poem. The line break which many loved honestly was a function issue. I couldn't correct it with the 'read more' function.
Thanks for asking.