me


In 2010, I was an active book blogger, literacy advocate, opinionated, passionate 40-something woman doing her thing. Then I got a call. My cousin, a man I had admired and loved, but failed to spend time with, died. I had been blogging, chatting, enjoying my day off clicking away furiously on my keyboard all day. Then I got that call.

Since that day, I have done as best I could to confess to myself what losing him meant to me, vowing to live my life now, in this moment and to honor his legacy by living his mantra and mine by extension, answering the question, "What good have you done today?" Sincere and earnest as I was, I struggled with one false start to the next to regather myself and 'do' my good which included but not limited to writing and blogging because writing and blogging, connecting online is part of who I am.

I crave connection. I love to talk and as I got older, I realized how much I enjoy and gain by listening. But, (isn't there always a 'but'?) I couldn't find my groove. I continued to work, love my family and friends, but writing, resuming my blogging life- that I couldn't get back. The day I got the call, I was happily blogging. Blogging was a huge part of my life. Blogging is now mournfully tied to my loss, a loss I still can't explain or make peace with yet.

So here I am, three years later, the same age Mikey was when he died, trying again to be, to give, to do what matters to me. At forty-eight, in a very intimate way, I know life isn't something to squander. This ain't no dress rehearsal. In my family, we die young. The gifted, beautiful and loving die young.

I'm here again, hoping to tap into that spirit and energy I knew embodied my cousin and find my way forward. I want to leave this planet knowing I gave all I had, loved fiercely and lived a life with meaning and impact.

Enough rambling. I hope you come back. Sit with me and chat. In this space, I don't want you passively listening. I crave connection. Engage me and know I am so glad you came into my world.

Be well.



13 comments:

  1. Those that leave us want us to do the things that have meaning for us. I am sure your cousin would want you to make connections in anyway that is meaningful to you.
    Have a great day.

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  2. Oh, I will be back Latonya. I knew that you were someone special the first time that we connected. And indeed you are.

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  3. I read your backstory and it so reminded me of mine, but mine wasn't a cousin, but rather my Dad. You've got the right attitude and perspective, keep living and writing - Mosk

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  4. This was lovely and aching and heart on the page. And when I say lovely, I mean because you were able to say it, not that you had to and have to endure what you did/do. I'll connect. I'll listen. I'll chat. Thank you for sharing so much.

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  5. I'm very glad I came into your world! What you've said has deeply touched me, and I think your cousin would be proud of you. I'll listen and chat and be honored to encourage,and be encouraged by such a wonderful person as you most definitely are! :)

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  6. I still enjoy your poetry and am glad I came to know you.

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  7. Sometimes just being here is enough. It's worthy to be alive and not doing doing doing. What I learned was inner peace was needed before I could find external calm. I'm sorry you lost your cousin. It gave me a chill that your cousin's name was Mikey but won't go into that. I just felt when reading that...that we were meant to connect on some level. Thank you for sharing why you are here and your search for your groove in this world.

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  8. --I'll be back.
    I like your style, girlfriend! Xx

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  9. I am so glad you commented on my blog today, so I could meet you here. I will be back!
    b

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  10. Life is such a fragile thing. I have endured many losses, so I can relate to trying to find yourself again and what you want your life to say about you, but sometimes it's difficult to get there. I am sorry for your loss. I think your cousin would be proud of your blogging and reaching out to people.

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  11. Hello LaTonya,
    I wonder if you were born in 1964, as I was. If so, we will turn 50 next year. I am offering a year long personal renewal program and I'm hoping you would consider writing a bit about your turning 50 story (assuming you're born the same year as me).
    Please contact me back patti@explorelifecoaching.ca
    Peace,
    Patti

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This is an interactive site. Dialogue is the aim here. latonya.blackandgray(at)gmail (dot)com

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I know what I think. I write to hear what you think. Let's talk about it.