Since that day, I have done as best I could to confess to myself what losing him meant to me, vowing to live my life now, in this moment and to honor his legacy by living his mantra and mine by extension, answering the question, "What good have you done today?" Sincere and earnest as I was, I struggled with one false start to the next to regather myself and 'do' my good which included but not limited to writing and blogging because writing and blogging, connecting online is part of who I am.
I crave connection. I love to talk and as I got older, I realized how much I enjoy and gain by listening. But, (isn't there always a 'but'?) I couldn't find my groove. I continued to work, love my family and friends, but writing, resuming my blogging life- that I couldn't get back. The day I got the call, I was happily blogging. Blogging was a huge part of my life. Blogging is now mournfully tied to my loss, a loss I still can't explain or make peace with yet.
So here I am, three years later, the same age Mikey was when he died, trying again to be, to give, to do what matters to me. At forty-eight, in a very intimate way, I know life isn't something to squander. This ain't no dress rehearsal. In my family, we die young. The gifted, beautiful and loving die young.
I'm here again, hoping to tap into that spirit and energy I knew embodied my cousin and find my way forward. I want to leave this planet knowing I gave all I had, loved fiercely and lived a life with meaning and impact.
Enough rambling. I hope you come back. Sit with me and chat. In this space, I don't want you passively listening. I crave connection. Engage me and know I am so glad you came into my world.