Monday, September 2, 2013

Give a little lovin'


Yesterday was DH's birthday. It was suppose to be his day but I blew it- again. He asks very little. My guy isn't needy. Every year I ask if he'd like to go out or can I buy him a present. He says no. I ask what he'd like to do. He says it doesn't matter. All he ever wants is homemade cake.  Sounds simple enough, right? Here's the problem: I don't bake. I don't cook. He does. Does it very well.

I made him a cake one year. He swears it was cupcakes. I say cake. He didn't like it. I tried. I read the directions a thousand times, sweated and almost cried making that disaster. His response, “How hard could it have been?” He didn't want a box cake. He wanted one from scratch. Did I say I didn't cook, don't bake? Can you imagine cooking for your mate if you're married to Jacques Peppin?

So yesterday, I made him breakfast. Stupid me. How did I forget how ugly last year was because I didn't make a cake?

What does this have to do with minimalism? Plenty. Minimalism isn't just less stuff. It's putting effort into the things you value like your relationships. I'm failing at the moment. This morning feeling deflated, frustrated and guilty, and not having written this week's installment, I hopped over to Be More With Less for some inspiration and guidance. Zeroed in on Courtney's mini-missions, and found my well. I read Love More Deeply. If you want to recharge your efforts in relationships, I highly recommend you join me in the challenge.

Today, I commit to learning to cook, to learn to bake my man a cake. Today, I remember how much his feeding me love on a plate means to me. I commit to reciprocating. Today I commit to feeding him.

In what ways do you express love in your relationships? Do you need to step up, do better? No judgement. Just support.

More later. I”m off to find a cooking class.



linked w/Studio30+. prompt: needy

18 comments:

  1. How to bake, in 3 easy steps:

    1. Commit to 3 hours uninterrupted.
    2. Follow recipe instructions to the letter.
    3. Find the name of a good local bakery that you can call in case (1) and (2) don't work.
    4. Take bought cake and mess up the frosting so it doesn't look perfect.
    5. Enjoy!
    6. Commit to NEVER baking again. You did it that one time.

    Did I say 3? Ooops. :)

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  2. LOL. Oh, so appreciated. I've got a year to get it right.

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    Replies
    1. Baking is like giving a massage - it rests solely on the intention of the giver/doer.

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  3. He leaves town tomorrow. He may be gone for a much as 2 months. I am spending every minute with him. That and we made love this morning, which we have been doing pretty much every day since he found out he was leaving.

    ps sorry for the TMI, but I do think it's so important!

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    Replies
    1. Gurl, ain't madatcha. Not too much information in my book. Sex is good especially when you've been together for awhile.

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  4. Don't beat yourself up about the ONE thing you don't bring to the table, so to speak. Too much pressure won't make you a baker. Try to have fun with the learning process, too!

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    Replies
    1. Pressure. Exactly why I've been avoiding you. I know I need to stop worrying how bac it'll be and simply make it. Thanks.

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  5. I don't know...for me, there are things I can do well, and other things I pretty much stink at, and those who love me know what those things are. Trying to do what someone else does well, FOR that person, is a recipe for dissatisfaction all around, imho. There are a lot of beautiful cakes to be had at bakeries--even ice cream cakes. What about one of those, with a poem from you, especially for him, handwritten and placed on the tray? Just an idea. I know he said no store-bought cake, but maybe what he really wants is something you made, from your hands. A poem would be exactly that, and you write with the best.

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  6. My daughter is the same way. I tried to help her work on cooking skills when she was younger, but she had no interest. My son, he loves to cook.

    Maybe... if your husband is a good cook too, you two can bake a cake together. That way, he can help figure out what is working against your efforts, and it could be a fun joint project .

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  7. The best book I got was by America's Test Kitchen because they explain steps that everyone else takes for granted. I needed to learn from the very basics and it helped. They explain what steps you have to follow for the results to be best...I think it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself instead of going with the flow. Maybe break it into tasks, like make your own boxed mix so to speak by mixing your dry ingredients in a bag and then putting it away for a day. The next day, add wet ingredients to your dry ingredients so the task is smaller. All that said, I am sad that this is a point of contention between you and your husband. I'm sorry that it was a stressful day. Hang in there.

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    Replies
    1. 2 parts! Now that is something I hadn't considerate. I've been thinking about buying the book for years. Will do. Thanks.

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  8. My husband is also a great cook and I feel when I cook for him I am going to disappoint. I am better at baking than cooking, I love the smell of baked goods! I measure and weigh everything exactly no guesstimates and I follow directions even if it means dirtying lots of dishes. So if they say mix in 2 different bowls first than together I do that, I never take short cuts when baking. I take it like a chemistry experiment lol To show him love I buy him little treats, make him cups of tea, make him simple meals when I noticed he has stopped eating (he has IBS so his appetite is poor), I give him massages daily (for his chronic pain), write him a little email everyday with jokes or just to say I love you, when he is leaving or coming home I greet him with a hug and kiss not a quick one a drop everything kind of hug/kiss, I give him alone time, as he usually is the sort to never take time for himself if he ever wants to go out with buddies or spend time on hobbies I encourage him to do so even if it isn't what I planned that day (he suffers from hyper responsibility puts everyone first so it isn't like he asks for much), I used to be bad about this but no when he talks to me I stop writing, reading, and watching I try too I still have the attention span of a small child but I have gotten a lot better at given him my full attention. I try not to bombard him with to dos when he wakes up or just gets home I let him have that down time or wake up time first. I try to do more things that I can do rather than rely on him. I can fix the clog in the sink for example so why shouldn't I? I handle all the trash because of his appetite and stomach issues. Stuff like that I guess. I think listening is most important. My husband really enjoys sandwiches I kept thinking I was being nice making larger more elaborate, ultra healthy meals, meals I thought were tasty and would be good for his stomach but I have come to realize he really does prefer sandwiches lol

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for taking time to share so much of yourself.

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  9. easiest cake ever....one box mix {yellow or white or funfetti} mixed with a can of diet sierra mist or diet 7-up...OR a chocolate box mix with a can of diet coke or diet pepsi. THAT'S ALL. mix the two together stirring well {no butter or oil or eggs} and bake as directed. when cooled, frost with cool whip or cool whips new frosting with cream cheese....add some fruit on top or sprinkles or leave plain....it's DELISH !!!

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    Replies
    1. Box is deal breaker. When I master the real thing, I might try this for friends.

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  10. Ever made a Zebra cake? You take chocolate wafers and make stacks with whipped cream in between. Line them all up in a long row and cover with whipped cream. Refrigerate for several hours. The cookies soften to become cake-like. Slice at a diagonal for stripes. I make this every year for my husband. It's easy and tasty!
    http://busycooks.about.com/od/dessertrecipe1/r/chocolatedesser.htm

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  11. I find it easier to cook when I FEEL like it. When I'm in the mood, I'm great. If not, get the trash can ready.

    Try taking some pressure off by baking when it's not his birthday.

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  12. The cake recipe on the Hersey coco powder plastic container is killer!
    I can remember the day I had it and baked it. I thought homemade cake would be
    so difficult~ This recipe rocks and it is for a BEGINNER!
    https://www.hersheys.com/recipes/recipe-details.aspx?id=184

    YOU can do it, put on your favorite music, and relax. Read the recipe first
    now take it slow~

    Yes, and do try before his birthday-it will take the pressure off!

    YOU can do it!
    :D

    ReplyDelete

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