Monday, July 29, 2013

scattered seeds




Ripe
detached
blooming seed
unfurled need
swaths of wild grasses
beading sweat thirst unquenched
chords contort then unravel
fisted blades cut wide open birth
new roots etched, new bulbs gurgle fiercely
unbridled abandon bleeds across fields











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linked with Hedgewitch's etheree prompt. Join us.

27 comments:

  1. I love the sense of urgency in this--life may be gorgeous in its splendors, but it is never easy, and here one feels that beauty is the result of determined struggle, and not without cost. You've found some excellent language to give that feeling, all while using the form intelligently to hone the message.I love that the bulbs gurgle like infants!Thanks for participating, LaTonya.

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  2. Hedgewitch, the form is challenging and I struggled. Hestitated to post. But drafts can and should be revised so I let it go. Glad to hear something is working here. Your comments are often far more articulate than what I can give in a poem. Thank you.

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  3. I like those seeds bleeding across the fields ~ I like the energy of birthing here (we worked on the same theme, smiles)

    chords contort then unravel
    fisted blades cut wide open birth

    Lovely work on the form ~

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  4. nice! i like "fisted blades" in particular.

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  5. Beautiful image,sensuous words.....
    Thank you!

    Ruby

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  6. Beautiful image and words....the ending is the wow factor for me!

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  7. I've really been enjoying these etheree and yours is handled with a very delicate touch - lovely images and sounds wrapping around each other.

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  8. very nicely done to form...there is an interesting blend of nature and feeling here...in the end the feeling i get is of renewal in the end...nature finds a way to go on, even after harvest into the next year...something we can learn ourselves...

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  9. Nature and natural metaphors often only ring true when both sides of the cycle are presented, as they are here. Great minds...I wrote about the same general subject last night, all unknowing.

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  10. I'm glad you posted for this challenge. Strong writing and imagery. Feels intense and I think someone else used the word urgent.

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  11. I really liked the way you built this poem -- both the form AND the messsage. Clever.

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  12. Oh, Oh ... the violence! I cannot decide whether this is raped and stolen nature, or simply nature as it is, so I conclude both. We live on the surface of this and make it look pretty, cover it with pretty. I'm gasping. Such is the power of this piece.

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    Replies
    1. Susan, I appreciate the observation. I had hoped some would feel the pain and aggression. Rape wasn't my intention, but isn't it exciting to hear how a work affects others, to write a thing, thinking one thing and what you produce is different?

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  13. First ... thank you for your constructive critique on my poem. I changed that line you mentioned, and it makes more sense now. Really appreciate your taking the time to read my lines closely!

    This is beautifully written. I do see a metaphor for life here. I love poems with nature imagery when they also take on a deeper meaning. Well done on this difficult form!

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    1. Hi Loredana, I truly respect poets and our desire to hone our craft. My skills are limited but I make a sincere effort to read and consider what a poet what wants to convey. You gave us permission to share openly. I'm glad you found my comment useful.

      Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment.

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    2. I think you have great poetic skills. I'd like to follow you, but I don't see a "join this site" gadget or "follow by email" gadget on your side bar. I'm not on Facebook, so I'm not sure if I can follow you with bloglovin. Let me know if you plan on adding those gadgets to your blog, or I'll just bookmark you. Thanks. :)

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  14. Brilliant imagery... life is often cut short like that...but it goes on.

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  15. The cycle of life magnificently and so poetically captured.

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  16. creation is a hard task..........you've done it wonderfully.

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  17. Very strong imagery; nicely written, my friend.

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  18. I think you mastered the form very well, La Tonya. Love the aliveness of these lines cascading down the page.

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  19. A glorious image of spring-time bursting into the day!

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  20. Violent and abrupt, harsh reality beautifully conveyed.

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  21. How did I miss this one? Strong imagery. It *feels' like an unfurling through the piece.

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I know what I think. I write to hear what you think. Let's talk about it.