scattered seeds
Ripe
detached
blooming seed
unfurled need
beading sweat thirst unquenched
chords contort then unravel
fisted blades cut wide open birth
new roots etched, new bulbs gurgle fiercely
unbridled abandon bleeds across fields
linked with Hedgewitch's etheree prompt. Join us.
I love the sense of urgency in this--life may be gorgeous in its splendors, but it is never easy, and here one feels that beauty is the result of determined struggle, and not without cost. You've found some excellent language to give that feeling, all while using the form intelligently to hone the message.I love that the bulbs gurgle like infants!Thanks for participating, LaTonya.
ReplyDeleteHedgewitch, the form is challenging and I struggled. Hestitated to post. But drafts can and should be revised so I let it go. Glad to hear something is working here. Your comments are often far more articulate than what I can give in a poem. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI like those seeds bleeding across the fields ~ I like the energy of birthing here (we worked on the same theme, smiles)
ReplyDeletechords contort then unravel
fisted blades cut wide open birth
Lovely work on the form ~
nice! i like "fisted blades" in particular.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful image,sensuous words.....
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Ruby
Beautiful image and words....the ending is the wow factor for me!
ReplyDeleteI've really been enjoying these etheree and yours is handled with a very delicate touch - lovely images and sounds wrapping around each other.
ReplyDeletevery nicely done to form...there is an interesting blend of nature and feeling here...in the end the feeling i get is of renewal in the end...nature finds a way to go on, even after harvest into the next year...something we can learn ourselves...
ReplyDeleteNature and natural metaphors often only ring true when both sides of the cycle are presented, as they are here. Great minds...I wrote about the same general subject last night, all unknowing.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted for this challenge. Strong writing and imagery. Feels intense and I think someone else used the word urgent.
ReplyDeletethank you, Maggie.
DeleteThis is really wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI really liked the way you built this poem -- both the form AND the messsage. Clever.
ReplyDeleteOh, Oh ... the violence! I cannot decide whether this is raped and stolen nature, or simply nature as it is, so I conclude both. We live on the surface of this and make it look pretty, cover it with pretty. I'm gasping. Such is the power of this piece.
ReplyDeleteSusan, I appreciate the observation. I had hoped some would feel the pain and aggression. Rape wasn't my intention, but isn't it exciting to hear how a work affects others, to write a thing, thinking one thing and what you produce is different?
DeleteHi Loredana, I truly respect poets and our desire to hone our craft. My skills are limited but I make a sincere effort to read and consider what a poet what wants to convey. You gave us permission to share openly. I'm glad you found my comment useful.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking time to read and comment.
Brilliant imagery... life is often cut short like that...but it goes on.
ReplyDeleteThe cycle of life magnificently and so poetically captured.
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ReplyDeletecreation is a hard task..........you've done it wonderfully.
Very strong imagery; nicely written, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI think you mastered the form very well, La Tonya. Love the aliveness of these lines cascading down the page.
ReplyDeleteA glorious image of spring-time bursting into the day!
ReplyDeleteViolent and abrupt, harsh reality beautifully conveyed.
ReplyDeleteHow did I miss this one? Strong imagery. It *feels' like an unfurling through the piece.
ReplyDelete