Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Broken off from the moon and strung just for her


It was smooth and cool to the touch, a piece of the moon,
broken off from the stars and strung just for her,
celestial energy she could caress.

During the day, she wore a red flower brilliant
as the sun’s heat in her hair. But it was pure adornment
unlike the jewel she knew was her source, the moon,
that body that spoke to women who knew themselves.

Absently, with her fingers delicate as gossamer,
she reached up and touched the stone, a piece of the moon,
broken off from the stars and strung just for her,
a celestial body that spoke to her.

One evening, while standing where the island stretches
off the coast like the edge of despair or the beginning
of bliss, she said to me, “Your backbone rigid like
broken edges of rock could be strong instead of rigid.
Why ride the bicycle careening down the hill
like a reckless child who hasn’t learn to harness her power?”

With hands as soft as the down newborns wear,
she took my hands and placed them on her breast.
I half expected a lullaby instead she wailed;
a crazy bird, its song like women weeping.
The screeching she spun off made me feel like the child
riding the bicycle careening down hill.

I wanted no part of this. Where was the blazing sun, rays
lulling me into oblivion where days pass like heat waves
shimmering off sand? I’d rather suffer a litany
from a lover, his monotonous voice like white dry noise drowning me.

Then I felt her cradling me. I felt the cool, smooth stone,
pressed against my forehead, a piece of the moon,
broken off from the stars and strung just from me.
No wailing, but the sweet lullaby I wanted.
I knew her and the moon, that body that spoke to me.
She taught me how to harness my power. I learned to
coalesce my own forces.




OLN
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prompt: coalesce.
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29 comments:

  1. This a really interesting structure, and it works well. The build and repetition are hypnotic.

    "that body that spoke to women who knew themselves."

    Stunning line.

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    1. Thanks Mama, one of the rare times I attempt longer lines. Had been a writing challenge and what I appreciated about it was that it forced me to stretch and to work within limits principally, given phrases had to be used. So I was also experimenting with images and vocabulary not common in my own word box.

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  2. " the island stretches
    off the coast like the edge of despair or the beginning
    of bliss, "

    Oh, I like that. And I'm always all about any poem dealing with women and the moon. I like the resistance near the end, and then the acceptance of what's given, which seems to be just the thing, after all.

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    1. I had another friend who loves moons. Her affinity for the moon inspired a few more poems. I went digging for them. :-)

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  3. very cool story telling...like the repetition as well..like a constant cord wove through and how at first it seems different with the woman but the repetition again strings it back in with the same elements....

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  4. Oh wow this stunning work and I agree with Brian the repetition is absolutely fantastic. Beautiful =)

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    1. M, stop making me blush. It's a bit absurd at my age. lol Thank you.

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  5. I really liked this. I love the image of grabbing a piece of the moon, and of careening down a hill on a bike like a child.

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  6. This is such a good piece to engage in meditation. I couldn't help but have my mind wander after reading this part "a piece of the moon,
    broken off from the stars and strung just for her"

    How beautiful. This is something I want to wear on my body, somewhere, anywhere. Awesome!

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  7. That first stanza has such an impact... wow. Love the imagery and vivid colors here - definitely a feast for the senses... think I have a new favorite!
    Thank you for this treat, LaTonya!
    ~Miriam

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  8. Really a strong poem, LaTonya. Women do need to harness their power and also to develop a strong, rather than rigid, backbone!

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  9. Ooooo...this is just gorgeous, LaTonya. As soothing and magical as that smooth and cool piece of moon. Just stellar!

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  10. "that body that spoke to women who knew themselves." - my fav. part.. it's a beautiful imagery.

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  11. Your introductory line is just so perfectly inviting in image and intonation, and it is lines like these which make me really appreciate your poetry:

    One evening, while standing where the island stretches
    off the coast like the edge of despair or the beginning
    of bliss...

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    1. This has been in m revision folder ever. No edits yet, but the responses really have me motivated to give this piece a closer read. Thank you.

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  12. I don't know what to add to the other comments here--but for me, the repetition acted like a cradling--like the lullaby sought----beautiful writing!

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    1. Thank you Audrey, Talon and Natasa.

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    2. Your site wont let me post except for the "reply" spot, kiddo - the way you wove the repetition through this really makes it sing........I love this moon poem, and the way the story evolves. Especially love the same lines Fireblossom noted.

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    3. Sherry, where are you trying to post? Then I can look and hopefully fix the problem. Thank you.

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  13. Mesmerizing and stunning.

    I like how you takes us from "I wanted no part of this" to "Then I felt her cradling me."

    Much striking wording, such as "I half expected a lullaby instead she wailed;
    a crazy bird, its song like women weeping."

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  14. Welcome to Black and Gray, Jane. Thank you for your thoughtful response.

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  15. I love this, it is filled with power. "our backbone rigid like broken edges of rock could be strong instead of rigid." This line for me shows a woman who knows her vulnerability and also knows how to turn it into her strength. Really wonderful piece.

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  16. Love the tone and the mood it sets, nice ebb and flow.

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  17. You weave a powerful piece here, LaTonya. The acceptance of that cradling, the surrender... says it all. Like Liz, the "backbone" stanza leads to the inevitable conclusion: Women's strength is knowing when to surrender to herself and to the essence. Amy

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  18. Love your words LaTonya, 'With hands as soft as the down newborns wear' evoked wonderful imagery. Lovely lovely write.
    Anna :o]

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    1. The down is an image I particularly enjoy as well. Thank you.

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